Humane Forms of Resistance
I miss the Obamas everyday. Their grace, humility and dignity under fire provided great role models. It is harder and harder everyday to “go high” when the vile and hateful discourse goes lower than a person can imagine.
I fundamentally believe in shared humanity; that we are more similar than different and that we are in this together. I believe that immoral and demagogic times call for ethical forces to be activated in potent ways. It’s tough to know what tactics can make a difference. And tough to stay true to yourself. How do we not all turn into screaming idiots spewing lies and hate?
I’ve been reading and listening to many stories and I have compiled some ideas here. We can all be humane members of the resistance without lowering our own standards of decency.
Donate money and time to nonprofits and political candidates. Like you, I am writing more checks than usual to organizations that provide legal services to immigrants, Planned Parenthood, ACLU and political groups. This can feel impotent and passive but it is not. These organizations are able to do more of their work because of these donations. Don’t imagine this effort is ineffective.
Make donations in the name of your chosen adversary. We’ve all seen the Mike Pence Planned Parenthood donation request. This is a good start. Expand the list of names and organizations. Submit money to RAICES in Steven Miller’s name. Or your favorite legal organization in Devin Nunes’ name. Get clever.
Solicit ideas from your staff. Pooling resources, ideas and time to take a collective action can have a bigger impact. Of course, be mindful of the diverse positions of your employees and any legal restrictions. But there is something powerful and uplifting to take action as a group.
Remain civil face to face then offer a random act of kindness. Don’t engage in charged rhetoric when you encounter those you disagree with. Instead, offer a mantra of your own creation. “It’s sad that you feel so much rage that you can’t see me.” “As one person to another, I hope you find ways to take better care of yourself. This amount of stress isn’t good for anyone.” Or whatever kinder response works for you. Once you are away from that person, do something generous towards him/her. Examples: Pay for their cup of coffee, send them a card or pick up their kids (if you know them) or simply smile and wish them a better day.
Small business owners ideas. If you don’t want to make that cake for a gay couple, do it anyway to be respectful and then donate to your favorite anti-gay candidate. If you don’t want to serve Sarah Sanders, do it anyway and then let her know at the end of the meal you are donating the cost of her meal to your favorite pro-immigration organization. If you are asked to print posters to a white supremacy rally, quote an exorbitant price. If they are willing to pay it, let them know that the money they spend will be donated to the Anti -Defamation League. Same for an abominable political candidate. Be polite in the moment and then take the actions that fit your moral code.
Respond to xenophobic language. Okay, so lots of white people are freaked out about the shifting demographics and they have taken extreme and hateful stances. There is license now to say those horrible things out loud and to protect the whiteness of America. Again, no screaming matches to respond to hate language. If you are spiritual or religious, you can try a simple prayer: “We are all God’s children. He created all of us and He loves all of us.” If you know the person you have many choices. Make it very personal. “I never saw this side of you before. What happened to you?” “I know there is some relief/release in joining the chorus of imagined oppression, but what specifically are you experiencing that these brown or gay or immigrant people are doing to you?” “Your hatred towards others makes it impossible for me to maintain a real connection with you. I now wonder how honest our relationship ever was.” “I can’t be seen with you. I won’t suffer guilt by association.” If you don’t know the person, find simple lines that work for your style. “I strongly disagree with you and won’t discuss this any further.” “I’m going to stop you right there.” “I don’t do hate.”
Communicate rationally, calmly and civilly. Whether you are writing a letter to the editor, making comments on social media or attending a cocktail party, carry yourself with dignity and grace. To paraphrase the NRA, the only way to stop a person with hate is with a person with compassion. Do take the high road.
Continue to march in the streets. As an active protester in the 60’s and 70’s, I still believe in the collective voice that protests allow. That is the place for shouting and snappy slogans. The safety and power of numbers demonstrates the force behind the resistance. We all need to continue to be in the streets, to actively call out the horrors and to challenge the elected officials to do the right thing. And of course, please vote, including in your local elections.
To remain true to our own core values, we each need to act as the decent human beings that the vast majority of us are. If we pile on the coarseness and hatred in the public square, we diminish ourselves. We can privately rant and rave all we want. But I believe that publicly “going high” will ultimately win the day. Maybe not immediately. But we must all resist going over to the dark side of our own psyches. The well being of our country needs us to rise above the muck.
